After much deliberation and data crunching, we’re here to present this year’s top numbers from ten through one. In 2017, your choices are even tougher due numerical market saturation – numbers these days seem almost infinite! We’re here to help.
10th Place – The Number 10
Oh ten, where would we possibly be without you? We probably wouldn’t have decimal points, and the Sumerians would have dominated the entire planet for last 5000 years with their sexagesimal numbering system. Who needs that? I sure don’t.
9th Place – The Number 9
The Eastern yoga tradition teaches us that the human body has nine doors. In baseball, there are nine players on the field. Dante’s Divine Comedy has nine circles of hell. Coincidence? Yes.
8th Place – The Number 8
The realization that people could more quickly finish spelling words with this number in the early 1930s, led to a productivity spike that is generally accepted as ending the Great Depression.
7th Place – The Number 7
This number earns its spot in this countdown by being the first to be composed primarily of straight lines. Stephen Hawking once said “seven is a pretty OK number, I guess”. Are you going to argue with a retard?
6th Place – The Number 6
Six’s ongoing, millennia long, copyright battle with nine is largely the basis for US copyright law. Am I going to end this number’s review with a question? Technically not.
5th Place – The Number 5
Five earns our Value Pick™ this year for being the best bang for your buck. Located halfway between one and ten, it has arguably the best price to performance ratio.
Fun Fact: Muslims pray to Allah five times a day!
4th Place – The Number 4
During his 1904 flight from Dresden to Frankfurt, Einstein is said to have written down a simple statement that later became the foundation for his work “On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies”. This book later became the basis for his theory of special relativity. That famous statement was, ‘the word four has four letters’.
3rd Place – The Number 3
Some ancient Greek dude thought that three was the most noble number because the first two add up to it. He was subsequently laughed out of the country due to his creepy obsession with triangles, and nothing of value ever came out of Greece again. And that’s why it earns our 3rd place spot!
2nd Place – The Number 2
The number two is the first USDA approved prime number. Many people generally regard it as an improvement on one, but this debate still rages on between people who have nothing else better to do with their fucking lives. Because of this number’s contribution to modern German literature (and because it makes a cute little fish if you turn your head and squint your eyes a little bit), it is well deserving of its place in our lineup.
1st Place – The Number 1
Last but also least – the number one falls unironically into our number one spot. Although detractors of the number will argue that it became obsolete after the invention of two, many vintage collectors and number purists alike give it value. Because it forms the basis of the entire number system that makes all the shit you own magically work, and because of it’s nu-age art-deco aesthetic, one earns this year’s Editor’s Pick™.
Thank you for joining me this year, and I hope that our review makes your numerical choices slightly easier. Below are graphs used for our research purposes.
